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# Jennifer Aniston Says ‘No’ to Duluth
February 19 2018
Written by Tom (Broken News) Murphy.
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#1. There is a report regarding LA Air Quality. Research has determined that half of the petroleum chemicals that make up smog come from soap, paint, hair spray and deodorants. So, not all atmospheric pollutants come out of tailpipes. If you are committed to reducing Volatile Organic Compounds but can't do without your car then your choice is to stop using soap and deodorant. If others complain you're getting a bit "RIPE" you may have to drop out of the car pool.
\#2. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have split after 2 1/2 years of marriage. The reason for them parting is the old standby irreconcilable differences which, in this case, is location, location, location. It seems she wants to live in LA and he wants to live in NYC. Counseling recommendations that they compromise and move to Duluth were quickly rejected.
#3. This just in: Switzerland now has animal welfare laws that make it illegal to boil a lobster. The law says they must be rendered unconscious before immersion in the boiling water. Which suggests the need for an anesthesiologist on duty at restaurants at all times.
\#4. Church spires across Britain will be used to boost broadband, mobile phones and WiFi connectivity in rural areas. There are already 120 churches with wireless transmitters, aerials and satellite dishes right up there with the crosses. While there are those who are offended with seeing a cross so far the satellite dishes have gone unscathed.
#5. The Center For Research and Take-Out interviewed people recently asking them what phrases they are sick of hearing from politicians. Number one was: "Kick The Can Down The Road." Others included "Roll Up Our Sleeves and Get To Work " "At The End Of The Day" "We Need A Bipartisan Effort" and, while not number one, it still elicited a lot of laughter and derision "I've Devoted My Life To Public Service."
*(Tom Murphy is a writer, humorist, actor, disc jockey and an occasional contributor to CityWatch. He lives in Los Angeles.)*
*-cw*
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