Choosing a Sober-Living Home? Get the Answers on Paper First

SOBER LIVING - The decision rarely comes at a convenient time. Someone is finishing a 30-day program on Friday and nobody has worked out where they go next. Or a person has been sober for two weeks and can't go back to the apartment they were living in. Families in Los Angeles often pick a sober-living home in a few days, sometimes in an afternoon, with not much more than a website and a phone call to go on.

I help run a small sober-living home in the Valley, so I have an obvious stake in this subject. Still, I would rather families ask too many questions than too few, of us or of anyone else. These are the ones I think matter most, and it helps to get the answers in writing.

Is it housing or treatment?

Start with the most basic question. Is this a place to live, or a place to get treatment? In California, a sober-living home that only provides housing doesn't need a license from the Department of Health Care Services. A license is required once a facility offers services like detox, counseling or treatment planning on site. Neither model is wrong. The problem comes when a family believes it is paying for treatment and is really paying rent in a shared house.

Some homes are certified by, or belong to, recovery-housing associations that set standards and inspect their members. That is voluntary. If a home tells you it is certified, ask who certified it, then check.

Follow the money

Ask for every charge on a single page before anyone signs: rent, move-in or "program" fees, deposits, drug testing, rides, food, utilities. Then ask the questions people usually skip. If the resident leaves after nine days, what happens to the rest of the month's payment? If they are asked to leave, is any of it returned? How long does a refund take, and who decides?

Be wary of anything that looks like a giveaway. Free rent, gift cards or travel offered on the condition that someone enrolls in a particular treatment program should make you stop and ask who is paying, and why. California prohibits licensed treatment programs from paying or accepting money for patient referrals, and an offer that seems generous up front can end up costing a family far more.

Read the house agreement before move-in day

Every home has rules. Curfews, guests, chores, meetings, work or school. Most of it is routine, and it should all be written down. Ask for a copy ahead of time instead of reading it on the kitchen counter with a bag in one hand.

The part worth reading twice is what happens after a relapse. Is the resident asked to leave on the spot, or is there a process? Is there ever a way back? If someone has to leave at 11 at night, where are they expected to go? How a home answers that tells you a lot about how it is run.

Find out who is actually there

"Managed" can mean very different things. Some homes have a manager living in the house. In others, someone stops by a few times a week. Ask who a resident should call at two in the morning when there's a problem with a housemate, and whether that person really answers.

Ask how many people live there and how many share each bedroom. Smaller isn't automatically better, but a resident ought to know before moving in whether they will be sharing a bathroom with three people or nine.

Medication and outside care

If the resident takes prescribed medication, including medication for opioid or alcohol use disorder, ask whether the home allows it and how it is stored. Policies vary from house to house, and learning the answer after move-in can mean moving again.

Most sober-living homes don't provide clinical care, so ask how the home works with the resident's own doctor, therapist or outpatient program. A resident should be able to keep the providers they already trust. If a home insists that everyone attend one specific program, it is fair to ask why.

Go and look

Visit if you can, and look at the kitchen and bathrooms, not only the bedrooms in the photos. If a resident is willing to talk, ask what an ordinary Tuesday looks like. Notice whether your questions get direct answers or a sales pitch.

Online reviews are worth a read but they don't tell the whole story. Ask the home for a reference, ideally a family member or a professional who has worked with it before.

None of this is complicated, and a well-run home will answer all of it without hesitating. Keep the answers, compare them, and don't let anyone rush you past the paperwork. It takes an hour at a moment when it feels like there isn't one to spare, and it can save a family a great deal of trouble later.

(Zachary M. Zulkiewicz is a partner at Citronia Recovery, a nonclinical sober-living home for adults in Tarzana. The home has served adults in the San Fernando Valley since 2017.)